My brother is ruining his life with alcohol and it's tearing me apart

DEAR DEIDRE: WATCHING my brother ruin his life with alcohol is tearing me apart.

These days I don’t even recognise him any more and I’m desperate to get the brother I know and love back.

I’d do anything to help him but I feel completely powerless.

He’s 35 and I’m 32. 

Growing up, we were inseparable brothers. Into adulthood, we remained close and often spent a lot of time together with our families.

I never would have expected that he would turn out like this. He used to be so put together – happily married, with two kids and his own business.

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He showed no signs that he was struggling until one day I got a call from his wife, worried that he hadn’t come home.

I eventually found him drunk out of his mind in a pub. At the time I naively thought it was a one off but from that day things gradually deteriorated until his drinking was out of control.

I’ve tried everything to get through to him but he never opens up. It feels like talking to a blank wall. Now his wife has had enough and kicked him out of their house. 

I’m worried sick about what he’ll do next. I can’t understand how this has happened. Please help.

MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE

DEIDRE SAYS: While it is painful to watch someone we love struggle, unfortunately, we can’t solve their drinking problems for them. The only person who can do this is them. 

Perhaps you can try to talk to him again and tell him how much you love him and how worried you are about his drinking. 

My support pack Dealing With A Problem Drinker should help. Also contact Al-Anon Family Groups (al-anonuk.org.uk, 0800 0086 811 ) which supports the families of drinkers.

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